Well, what do men want – from sex and relationships, whether those relationships are long-term, committed, faithful or unfaithful? It’s a question that women have asked men for generations, but it’s not so common for men to reflect on what they want. Let’s put the balance right.
Jokingly, I’d say men want lots of sex with very horny, aroused women, partners who don’t nag, whine, complain, don’t expect foreplay, and who let us have ownership of the remote control. Now, although that may – or may not – seem funny, there’s a grain or two of truth in there.
More seriously, a Men’s Health survey revealed some fundamental wishes, needs and desires that consistently separate men and women. Here they are. Remember that these are generalizations:
How To Pleasure A Man
Men want to be visually stimulated
When a guy sees a woman he likes, he can desire her and get aroused much more quickly than she does. Indeed, he can get erect just by looking at her body.
Generally, a woman needs to be touched to get aroused: either emotionally touched, through closeness and loving, or through physical touch. And as you are probably well aware, men like to look at women’s bodies, at images of women, and sexual images generally.
Video – humorous view of men’s sexual drive
Sex is a physical thing for men – men want sex for sex’s sake. They want sex for the sake of the physical pleasure, that is!
Sex can just be sex, without love or commitment, for men much more easily than it can be for women. And this explains the differences in the number of partners that men and women report.
And men are horny – very horny, in fact, driven by testosterone to seek out sex and to try to obtain the release of ejaculation fairly frequently.
While there are some women who may be more horny than some men, the average sexual desire, drive and frequency for the two sexes is very different.
As the authors of the survey observed, sexual incompatibility is one of the most obvious reasons for us not to buy into the currently popular idea that men and women are all basically alike except for a few important anatomical differences.
Yet men still want to fall in love
Research has shown many times that men are much quicker to fall in love than women, and that they are much slower to end a failing relationship. This could be simply because they are reluctant to let go of the pleasure of sexual intercourse…..
It’s a paradox that sex is definitely a different experience when you are doing it with someone you love. It’s a deeper, rounder, even a more fulfilling experience. Yet men still crave the physical release…. even when they are not in love.
One guy I talked to about this observed that it’s almost like having two separate acts: screwing and making love.
The first, the simple act of lovemaking, of thrusting your penis in a vagina until you come, is about sexual release.
The second is an intimate act involving heart, body and soul. And men do have a need to be intimate, a need which is often only expressed with their female partners. This adds some substance to the old suggestion that men need to have sex to feel loving, while women need to be loved to desire sex. Read more about male and female differences here. There is an archetypal difference in men and women around sexual desire, too.
The part of the personality or psyche which controls our desire for sexual connection (i.e. the Lover archetype, also known as the Feeling Body) has a different impetus in men and women. While ultimately it is about connection, the motivation is different – for women, the Lover is more often about love, pregnancy and bonding. For men, the Lover – described here by an expert – is more often about sex and spreading the genes. Of course, I am talking about unconscious primal energies, not overt conscious ones.
Men want to please women – but only up to a point
Women seem to complain that men don’t understand them, but men often respond by saying that women just don’t tell men what they want.
There’s almost an expectation among women that men should be mind-readers, knowing what women want without it ever being asked for. Quite how that dynamic between the sexes develops, I have no idea, but it frustrates the hell out of men, that’s for sure.
What this means in practice is that better communication is needed to ensure thee satisfaction and pleasure of both genders. Especially the sexual pleasure.
Men seem to love women who are verbal in bed. That means women who offer feedback during sex to show what is good and what isn’t so good. Also, men appreciate a woman’s ability to express her sexual desires and explain what’s happening for her.
But the concept of communication enhances all aspects of a relationship, not just sexual pleasure in bed – the only way to have a really good relationship is to keep the lines of communication open.
During sex, women shouldn’t allow men to do what they want at the expense of their own wishes and desires – especially if they later complain of being unsatisfied!
Women need to speak up so men can help them get what they want out of the relationship in general and sex in particular (for example, what’s going to make her reach orgasm). This will be more fulfilling for both partners.
However, how much do men want to please women – really please them, I mean?
What I judge is that most men who come too quickly for the liking or the pleasure of their partners do not bother to learn skills of ejaculation control. They only pay lip service to the idea of controlling rapid ejaculation. Old habits die hard here, and the power of the desire to ejaculate is so great that it’s hard for men to resist the urge, or find the energy to change their ways.
Men like women to take charge during sex from time to time
It’s a burden, always being in charge and feeling you have to initiate sex. And there’s no reason for it, except perhaps social custom and women’s fear of being seen as sexual aggressors (or their lack of sexual confidence).
Men want women to improve their sexual & romance skills
Men like some of the things women want so much, too: being chased, pursued, made to feel special and romanced, being treated like the most cherished thing in your partner’s life.
And when it comes to sexual skills, men definitely want women to be more adept: some women, it seems, have no idea how to handle a penis; women don’t reciprocate in the oral sex department; and women don’t understand how fragile the male ego is.